That’s Not How this Works

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Alternate Title: Grape Juice and Anuses.

For part three of my International Beverage Bonanza series (also check out parts one and two), we’re taking a trip to South Africa for one of the selections in the ’tiser series: Grapetiser.

Gracing it us with its presence is a 12oz can, also the size of the middle-sized Red Bull. It comes from Coca-Cola Shanduka Beverages, It’s tall and narrow compared to a typical 12 oz can that’s a bit more squatty. It’s not inherently a Coca-Cola product as Coca-Cola purchased TJC Holdings in 2006 and became CCSB. Grapetiser came about in 1981 in both red and white grape variations. I’m taking a look at the white grape version.

Presentation is subdued and lacking a bit of class. I can’t tell what market this is for: fancy or convenience store? That’s about it for the gentle stuff because what lies beyond is… well you be the judge.

I had super high hopes for this drink. I love grape juice and I love sparkling beverages, but this just wasn’t good. I’m not sure what they did to it, but the inital taste was sweet (good), transitioning into tart (also good), then a butthole (yeah…).

Not sure what their standards are in South Africa but if @$$ is on the menu, I’ll go ahead and skip it. I triple checked what I bought and it wasn’t expired. I even tried another can and got more of the same (yeah, I bought a six-pack of asswater).

If you’re reading this and thinking “oh he’s just an American that drinks HFCS all the time, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” My response is that before you kindly leave, note that I’m not a huge fan of HFCS. Just about everything I drink doesn’t contain it, anymore, unless I can’t avoid it. I bid you good day.

For those that stayed, please don’t waste your time on this one. In a future post, I’ll cover another -tiser, Appletiser, but being 0-1 on this line doesn’t give me high hopes.

Taste: 2/10 – I’d give it zero points but the inital taste was quite good… nowhere close enough to cancel out the sphincter tinge.

Presentation: 6/10 – The packaging is decent but for a drink that looks like it’s branded as a higher-class beverage, it could be a bit less muted.

Desire: 0/10 – If someone handed me a can of this, I’d throw it at them… hard.