Get After it with Liquid Sugar and Lucozade Energy

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If there’s one thing I’ll always try a new variant of, it’s an energy drink. As the inaugural post in my International Beverage Bonanza series, I think it’s incredibly appropriate (or not) to give the U.K.’s rocket-bottle-full-of-sugar the first chair. I’m cautiously optimistic.

At first glance, it feels like the 90s called, asked for their bottle back, and the Brits said: “nay, good sir!” The odd, rocket shape lends credence to the statement on the back which reads, and I quote:

Glucose. It’s for that moment, when you need it most. When the energy and good times flow. Whatever you do, do it with energy.

If that’s not a sexual innuendo, I don’t know what is. Translated into me speak: “Maximum Effort!”

With the added punctuation, I feel like it’s meant to be read as if I was out of breath. (So. Much. Energy. Must. Do. Things!)

A bigger bottle. So you can split the energy between friends.

I’m having a hard time figuring out a situation where two (probably and nonbiological) “bros” would decide to split a sugar missile. (sigh) Even just calling it a sugar missile makes the innuendos more… innuendo-y.

Tossing in some nutritional information that would make even the most passive hippie health coach vomit their kale chips (per bottle: 172g of carbs, 88g of sugar, 700 calories). I’m somewhat regretting the 12oz minimum rule. Ah, what the hell.

On first taste, it reminds me of partially flat, less flavorful Sprite. Then again, pretty much everywhere else in the world things have normal levels of taste. Us Americans can’t get enough of anything so we shovel all the tastiest crap we can find into our mouths. My taste buds have been tainted.

In other words, it doesn’t have an American level of flavor and I suspect is thusly not worthy of being an American beverage.

Besides that, it tastes fine. I’m having a hard time putting a real flavor profile down. It feels like a mix between orange and lemon with a hint of ginger ale. I don’t even know. I’m making stuff up at this point.

I’m getting the vibe that this is aimed at a younger audience with the bright red packaging and orange soda tint. If I gave this to you in a cup and said it was orange soda, you’d taste it and revolt.

After drinking it, my lips feel sticky. I suspect that’s the power of liquid sugar at work. Given the sugar content, maybe this beverage is more American than I thought.

I picked an odd beverage to start with, I’ll admit. That said, I don’t think it was a terrible choice. Here’s what I’d give it:

Taste – 6/10. It would have scored higher had it actually stuck to one flavor… literally any flavor. I imagine this is what people feel like when they drink a Red Bull and wonder what the hell…

Presentation – 4/10. The asthmatic punctuation bothers me and I think there are more bubbles on the package than in the beverage.

Desire – 6/10. It’s a light drink, and I’m a fan of that. I haven’t experienced what the raw sugar crash is going to be like but I suspect it’ll line up with that of Mountain Dew.

Overall – 16/30. This is pretty much a universal score for every energy beverage I’d ever consume. It’s nothing earth shattering but some folks seem to really dig it. I can understand that as a connoisseur of Red Bull.

If you’re dying to get some, look for a local import food store. If not, Amazon should be able to hook you up. I paid $15 for this bottle. Definitely better than lighting $15 on fire, but not by much.