I was feeling a bit lazy tonight but wanted food, so instead of going somewhere, I desired for someone to bring the food to me. Are they up to the challenge of being summoned by Postmates, picking up my Gyro and traversing Silicon Valley, to my driveway, through the first controlled access roadblock, to my building, and through the second controlled access liftway? Let’s find out.
This is my pseudo-live blog on my first Postmates experience.
Stay tuned to the end to see if the food was any good!
7:10pm – I found my tasty greek food just a few miles away, and with a wait time of roughly 40ish minutes. For $24 with all extras and fees, I’m super excited to get my gyro fix, thanks to Athena Grill.
Using Apple Pay made this even simpler. I love paying with my thumb.
7:13pm – Postmates says 51 minutes, and will be picked up by someone we’ll code name Sheepdog, since I didn’t ask them if they were okay with being mentioned. Sweet! More than 40 but less than an hour, so I’m good. I’m not terribly hungry yet, so no need for alarm.
7:17pm – Postmates called. They want to know if I wanted fries with my Gyro… well… I didn’t ask for fries in my order, so no.
7:20pm – Postmates calls again. They confirmed with Athena Grill: no fries. I ask if this is a normal exchange, since this is my first time using the service. The gentleman on the phone says no and that they only asked because fries or a drink typically comes with the gyro.
I can understand the double-check, but the app should have told me this was an option. The menu in Postmates wasn’t very clear on this, in fact I didn’t know fries were a thing with the Gyro. Oh well. I didn’t really want them, anyway, so it’s no a huge deal. Some room for improvement, there.
7:24pm – I’m checking my app, again, curious to see how this exchange affected my delivery time. We’re up to 59 minutes, now. Hmm. Well, I guess I’ll let that go since there was some confusion on the order. No biggie. As I type this, the countdown timer is dropping pretty quickly. What was 59 minutes is now 51 minutes, in the span of two earth minutes. Looks like either Postmates has their own measure of time, or the Postmates universe moves faster than Earth. Noted.
7:27pm – 48 minutes. Thinking about this food is making me hungrier. Thinking about this food while writing about thinking about this food is just adding to the struggle. Time to include this for the first time in this post: Affirmation of Laziness as a Service. We’ll call it AoLaaS.
7:28pm – 40 minutes. Theory on Postmates Universe time constriction confirmed. Time to start writing my award-winning paper. Hon. Dr. Johnathan Lyman. I like the way that sounds.
7:31pm – I think I should text Sheepdog, and say thank you.
Hey Sheepdog, thanks for picking up my food, this evening! Just to confirm the entry codes: if you can’t get throug the gate, use **** … the elevator is ****. Thanks!
Having a non-local number is hard for my dual-call-box system. I haven’t given up my WA area code so issuing manual access codes is required. I’m trying to be a nice guy, here.
7:33pm – Sheepdog thanks me for the info. For a minute I thought she wasn’t going to respond. This creepy guy texting her.
7:34pm – 8 minutes. She’s on her way to the food. I can see it on the map! Starting to get excited.
7:38pm – Sheepdog securing the package, code name Lamb Chop.
7:42pm – Pending confirmation of package secure. Standby.
7:46pm – Confirm package Secure. Package en route to primary LZ for extraction to my food hole.
7:48pm – Package inbound. ETA 4 minutes. Now I’m hungry.
7:51pm – It’s just like Uber, watching them get closer and closer to you. [Jaws theme slowly builds in the background]
7:53pm – Interesting. the time compression witnessed pre-pickup is reversed post-pickup. Will note time dilation in logs.
7:56pm – Package picked at LZ. Commence food-hole shoving.
- Fountain drink (menu) does not equal can (reality). Shame. -1 Restaurant.
- I get to rate the driver (who did excellent), but I don’t get to rate the restaurant. Interesting.
So that about does it! Food is in my lap and this pseudo-live blog is done!
After trying the food, I will say it was a bit on the cold side. Not super impressed by that. However, this type of food I ordered won’t stay hot long under any circumstance, so I can’t knock off too many points. It is something I will have to consider for the future, however.
The food was gross. Gyro was flavorless. Barely any meat. I was deceived by how much meat it looked like it had. Definitely not worth the money. Lame. Still hungry.
Left: my “fountain” drink. Right: It looks tasty. Looks can be deceiving.